The complexity of individual situations is why consulting with sponsors and professionals can assist greatly in your recovery process. With AA, not everyone has the ability to understand what it means to keep all of the steps in mind after completing them. The 12 spiritual principles package these steps into digestible virtues and provide a road map to lifelong health and sobriety. You’ve worked your way through the entire process of growing and setting yourself up for success in sobriety, and now you have the opportunity to guide less experienced members through their own journey. Living with the principle of service means it’s your responsibility to help others as you were helped when you first started to work the 12 steps.
- Whatever the situation, there are a few ways to get started in the process of repairing wrongs with the people you most care about.
- Some people may be able to work through the steps relatively quickly, while others may take months or even years to complete the process.
- Recovery support groups and individual therapy can help you if you are struggling to make amends or accept the responses of others.
- The future of your relationships is never guaranteed, but you will feel better knowing you have done your best to remedy your prior errors.
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions Book
This may involve apologizing and, when necessary, making restitution to a person, or organization. Making amends can also reduce stress, by addressing past wrongs may prevent future conflicts that could jeopardize sobriety. Making amends does not necessarily depend on your ability to connect with a person or how they respond living amends to you. The purpose is to recover from compulsive, out-of-control behaviors and restore manageability and order to your life. It’s a way of seeing that your behavior is only a symptom, a sort of “check engine” light to investigate what’s really going on under the hood. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
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While we might apologize later for missing the party, our apology consists of words rather than actions or changed behavior. And those words ring hollow when we repeatedly break our promises. Think of amends as actions taken that demonstrate your new way of life in recovery, whereas apologies are basically words.
Recovery Advocacy
Making amends may seem like a bitter pill to swallow, but for those serious about recovery, it can be good medicine for the spirit and the soul. American Addiction Centers (AAC) is committed to delivering original, truthful, accurate, unbiased, and medically current information. We strive to create content that is clear, concise, and easy to understand. In step 6, you have to prepare for your sins to be taken away by admitting to yourself that you’re fully ready to move past them. Living with courage means starting fresh without completely forgetting your past. In Steps 1 and 2, AA instructs members to strip themselves bare of ego and power.
Who Wrote the Twelve Principles of AA?
- The more I practiced this step the more I found out how much healing comes from it and not just for me.
- The steps ensure that those in recovery feel supported, safe, and secure in making the next step to freedom from addiction.
- On the other hand, millions have acknowledged their belief that AA and its principles saved their life.
- “We talk, and I can see the physical pain that they release when they’re unburdening the feelings that they’ve kept buried down inside of them,” Kimberly says.
- Thank you again for taking the time to listen (or read this) and please reach out if you have any questions or feedback in the future.
- However, these promises are usually the result of deep feelings of shame, guilt, and regret and may not be genuine for some.
Yes, we partake in the process to “clean up our side of the street,” but we do not make amends to clear our conscience or undo our feelings of guilt. If someone does not want to hear from us, we respect that and do our best to move forward with our recoveries. To fix broken relationships, you have to put a lot of effort into making things work. It’s not enough to say to someone that you apologize and feel badly for how you acted in the past. It takes a certain maturity and level of respect for yourself and the person you’re hoping to reconnect with to get past any past issues.
For example, if you neglected or mistreated your children while you were using alcohol, a simple apology may not repair the damage. Instead, you may need to engage in a dialogue with them over time. This may involve attending family therapy or individual therapy. You will need to demonstrate that you are committed to rebuilding trust and repairing your relationship with them. Making direct amends means actively confronting your behavior with the person who you harmed.
For every time you said you’d be there or that you’d help someone do something and didn’t show up, you’ve left an impression upon that person that they can’t rely on you to keep your word. You can start making amends by showing up, even if it’s years later, to do the things you said you’d do. Making living amends can take on many different forms depending on the relationship to those affected by the wrongdoing. In most cases, the offender owes apologies to the people closest to them, like their friends, parents, and children.
If the recovering alcoholic is able to do this, then it demonstrates that they are progressing positively and ready for the tenth step. The guilt for your wrongdoings will eventually dissipate and by making an apology and amends, you will be able to let go and live. Taking these actions helps us to separate ourselves from the disease of addiction. We come to understand that we are good people with a bad disease. Steps 8 and 9 help us to move out of the shame we have lived in, shame that feeds the cycle of substance use and addiction.
Ways to Make Amends in Recovery
While making amends can be healing, the outcome is not always predictable. Nonetheless, being accountable for your misdeeds is your goal. Your actions alone may bring you a sense of peace, whether a person accepts you amends or not.
Step Nine: Making Amends in Recovery
Humility is one of the simplest principles to understand because it’s straightforward. When you’re humble, you’re cognizant of the fact that you’re not a major part of the bigger picture. Humility in daily practice means never seeing yourself as more important than you are. You can practice integrity in your recovery by talking through everything that you feel guilty about and your mistakes. Generally speaking, people work through the Steps of Alcohol Anonymous with an addiction treatment counselor and/or sponsor. You can also turn to AA’s Big Book and Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (the 12 & 12) for guidance specific to Step 8.
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